It’s Okay Not to Love the Baby Stage

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New moms have a very hard road ahead of them.  Especially first-time moms.  Having gone through it twice myself I know how it feels, both with a “terrible” baby, and an “easy” one.  I’m here to tell you it’s okay not to love the baby stage.

baby stage
Emma at 2 months old!

Emma, my eldest daughter, was a difficult baby.  She cried all the time and she never slept.  Looking back I don’t know how I survived that stage.  I was up 4 or 5 times a night, and then we tried co-sleeping.  I was still up 4 or 5 times a night, I just didn’t have to get out of bed.  But co-sleeping only meant the baby got more sleep and I got less.  For us, it was a necessary evil.

Then we had to get her into her own bed so I could get at least some sleep when it was time for me to go back to work.  Keep in mind this is about 11 months after her birth.  11 months of a tiny human being crying for boob every night, 3 or 4 times, and then sleeping like a flailing demon and keeping me up.  I’m surprised I didn’t have a mental breakdown.  (My husband may say I did, but don’t listen to him!)

Enter the cry-it-out method.  I know, you may not agree with my decision, but it was mine to make so I made it.  And it worked, but it took a week of listening to her cry like crazy before she finally figured out she had to sleep in the crib.  That was another almost-mental-breakdown time.  But it was also a sanity saver.  She slept better, I slept better, and then I started back to work slightly more rested than the entire previous year.

So let me be the first to say I did not love, and barely even liked, the baby stage.  Babies are cute, and they smell nice (most of the time) but now I’m happy to handle a baby while it’s happy, and give it back when it’s not.

baby stage
Rose at almost 3 months!

I guess I should throw in a few words about Rose, my second (and last) baby.  She slept right from the beginning.  She always ate well – Emma was, and still is, a picky eater – and she’s always been even-tempered.  Rose likes everyone and she just has that super happy demeanour.  But after saying all that, I still wouldn’t choose to go back to her baby stage either.

Here are my top 5 reasons for not liking the baby stage:

  1. New moms don’t sleep.  I know this isn’t true across the board, but it’s a popular phenomenon for sure!
  2. Dirty diapers.  Just gross.
  3. Lack of adult conversations and interactions.  This is especially true for those who work full time and then suddenly find themselves alone, at home, with a tiny creature who only grunts and cries.
  4. Abundance of laundry.  When it was you and your spouse (or just you), you could likely get away with one or two laundry loads a week.  Now, it’s laundry every day.  But guess what?  This does not get any better once you’re out of the baby stage…
  5. Your meals are always cold.  You poured that coffee while baby was sleeping, but as soon as you picked it up to take a sip, guess who’s awake?  Sadly, this also continues well into parenthood.  My kids are 5 and 8 and I still drink cold coffee almost every day.  But, when I get to work, I can usually have a fresh cup and drink it all while it’s hot!

Babies are beautiful, wonderful creatures, but really it’s okay to not want to deal with them.  They are a lot of work and I, for one, am very glad we’re well past the baby stage in our household!

Do you have any other great reasons to not love the baby stage of parenthood?  Or funny anecdotes you’d like to share with me?  Maybe something I can run with and create it’s own blog post?  Leave it in the comments, or email me your awesome parent-life stories.  I’d even consider them as guest posts, if you’re interested!

Don’t forget to sign up to my email list.  That’s where I’ll contact you when I’m working on a post that needs crowd-sourced opinions!  You’ll also get my monthly newsletter and new post notifications. 


~Jess

 

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16 Comments

  1. My eldest was a horrible baby. I’m also not sure how I survived it, but I know I’d never do it over again. LOL. I’m with you. It’s totally okay to not love the baby stage. It’s hard, exhausting, and your hormones are a wreck. #stayclassymama

  2. Ah, I had a “good” one (whatever that is) and whilst I feel blessed to have had that time with her, I still preferred the later months when she was a bit more interactive. It’s totally OK. Newbies are amazing but boring! #stayclassymama

  3. Hi Jess, I can’t say that the baby stage was my favourite stage either, apart from those middle of the night feeds, when it was just me and baby. I swear that letting them cry it out (after they had been checked on) saved my sanity. I made a promise to myself that I would handle whatever came my way during the day, but I have a take-no-crap attitude at night, which seemed to work for us. It took about a week of no sleep (on my part) to teach my daughter that just because she could get out of her cot didn’t mean she could. I sat on the floor outside of her room and as soon as she opened the door I quietly picked her up and popped her back in her cot. There were no tears from her or shouting from me, it was just a battle of the wills, which I did win. After that week, I never had a problem. Of course when they were ill they got all the cuddles they needed.

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    xx

  4. I completely agree with you. The change from working full time to being around a baby all day was ready hard and next time around I’m going to make sure I have loads of mum and dad friends to hang out with. Also the sleeping nearly killed me, I still sometimes hate it (for instance when he’s teething) but it has massively improved since we got a sleep trainer, she was amaaaaazing! Would totally recommend her to anyone with sleeping problems. Thanks for sharing with #stayclassymama!

    1. The change is totally drastic! I felt isolated for sure – it didn’t help that my first was born in the last quarter of the year. Makes for a long winter. Second time around was better – I knew how to deal with a baby and it was easier to get out and about!
      ~Jess

  5. Couldn’t have said any of this better myself. Having a baby is hard and especially in the first few weeks. The lack of sleep and energy plus a screaming baby are never a good mix. My baby is approaching 6 months and i feel like im loosing it, he was doing so well with hardly crying and sleeping most of the night to now feeling like i own a new born again. Just have to keep reminding myself that it too shall pass!

    1. It sure will pass. But so will the toothless baby smiles and never-ending cuddle sessions. As much as I say I don’t like the baby stage, it does have some pretty great perks! I hope your little one settles back into a routine for you.
      ~Jess

  6. I most certainly do not like the baby stage. Both my babies are considered high needs. Neither seem to have any conditions which make them so… they were just born into the world feeling older and wiser than their age. Being a baby is rough for them.

    My son is almost 15 months. I’m looking forward to more toddler actions and less of the incapable baby stuff!

  7. Getting a Yeti mug was a game changer in keeping my coffee hot for awhile! The baby stage is so so hard and the cuddles are so so sweet. My son didn’t sleep until almost 20 months old after we discovered his milk allergy. Imagine my mom guilt that I was keeping him up at night!

  8. I as well have never been the biggest fan of the baby stage…now, I love the cuddles of a sleeping baby, but the crying and diapers and up all night….. yea this mom is tired lol

    1. Poopy diapers and no-sleep run about even for me in my dislike. I’m so glad my kids sleep well now – at least most of the time. It took about 5 years before I was routinely getting a full night’s sleep…
      ~Jess

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