Mom Worries And How They Change Over Time

Mom Worries

I am the proud parent of 2 elementary aged daughters.  We’ve left those baby years behind and, frankly, I couldn’t be happier.  Diapers, naps, car seats and non-verbal communications are a thing of the past for us.  Something I didn’t count on was how all the mom worries evolve and change over time.

Honestly, I had no idea how many worries came with being a mom.  And I really didn’t think about all the ages and stages, and how they lend themselves to all sorts of various scenarios your kids will fall into over the years.

I feel guilty every time I have to call into work for a “sick kid” day.  I’d been very envious of my co-worker who’s daughter is in her early 20s and is independent now.  Until the morning she called in because her daughter had been in a fairly serious accident.  She had hit an icy patch and her car rolled over a few times.  That totally cemented the idea that those mom worries never go away.  They just change over time.  (She was okay, but the car was a write-off.)

When Emma was a baby, and into the toddler years, the mom worries were all me-centric.  Could I handle another night of hour plus bedtimes?  Would Emma eat something, or would I be trying to fight a losing battle over dinner?  How many times will she get up in the night?  Looking back I often wonder how I made it through those years where I battled with a lot of anxiety.

Farewell to our daycare
Emma and baby Rose – where have these tiny people gone?

Then came Rose who was an angel baby, compared to my Emma.  But she went through some phases that caused me some grief as well.  There was a span of time where she would throw up in the night.  And seemingly for no reason.  Even now I don’t know why she did it.  But that was a phase, and it’s passed now too.

My biggest set of mom worries now centre around Emma heading into those “tween” years.  She’s already told me about some bullying that’s gone on at school.  I’m mentally preparing for the “lady time” talk, although I’ve never hidden any parts of my cycle from the girls so I don’t see it being a big deal (I hope!)

Emma is also struggling a bit at school with fine motor skills.  Her printing is really not good, but we’re working on getting her concessions to help her out.  This year’s teacher has been great, and so the worries aren’t too severe right now.  Although the year didn’t start out quite so well.  You can read about our early grade 3 struggles in this post.

Rose will be heading into grade 1 in the fall.  I think that’s going to mean more (some?) homework, although the little bits she’s brought home in Kindergarten she’s been eager to do.  I think I’ll have a few less mom worries where Rose’s reading and homework are concerned.  She doesn’t have the extreme distress that came along with Emma’s foray into the world of homework.

As the teen years approach I can only imagine what sorts of mom worries will crop up.  More independence, less supervision, new and different friends; they all will mess my with parenting style.

I do feel like I’ve got a bit of a better hold on my own issues (anxiety, stress about things I can’t change, and some time management problems) so I may be able to better focus on the girls and what they need.  Wine and deep breaths help a lot too.  I’m sure my mom worries will keep evolving, but I plan to evolve along with them!

I’m looking for words of wisdom, or at least commiseration.  Share your experiences in the ever-changing world of mom worries with me please!  What stage are you in now?  What’s your biggest worry for your kids right now, today?  Homework battles and changing friendships (which includes bullying) seem to be my big ones right now.  So connect with me in the comments.

~Jess

 

 

One Messy Mama
ethannevelyn.com
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30 Comments

  1. You never cease to amaze me with your posts, and when I look at you I am amazed at all you do in a day. I honestly don’t know how you do it. You inspire me really. I was a stay at home mom til I was forty years old then I entered the work force. I wanted to be home with my children as long as I could. But there you are at work each day and home each night and doing dance class and their after school activities and helping with homework and housework and I honestly don’t know how you do it all. So hats off to you lady!!!!

  2. Mum worries change but never go away. I have two adult children who I worry about just as much as my young ones, especially if they are sick, or having problems at work. My younger ones are at different stages and one is disabled. I think the worries are there always but they help you learn and grow and become a part of your very being. What would you be if you didn’t worry? Your little girls sound like they are doing just fine and I’m sure your worries will never be to bad x

    1. Thanks for the support. You’re so right – what kind of parents would we be if we didn’t worry about our family? I hope you can support your children the best way you know how. Keep up the good work!
      ~Jess

  3. My kids are 4 and 7 and I feel very much the same way. But as they get older I find them ever more delightful (and annoying!) and well worth the worries which, no doubt, will be there even when they’re fully grown adults!!

  4. Hi Jess, I hear you and you are right the concerns may change, but they never fully go away. I en-liken it to reading a book, each stage of growing up is a new chapter with new concerns. But one thing I did learn was that looking back things never turned out as bad as I had anticipated. My son turn twenty in March and he is my biggest concern at the moment, he has Aspergers with added extras and we have no support for him or us as a family. There is no way he can live an independent life, I can’t even go out to work as he wouldn’t eat or drink without being prompted. But we deal with the here and now…. My daughter is seventeen and at the moment she is doing just fine, she is level headed, studies hard and gives as good as she gets. In eighteen months time she is planning to go and study on the mainland. My concern for her is that she grew up in the relative safety of island life. Of course, she will go and have the time of her life, but it will be awhile before I can look back and admit that I am no longer so concerned.

    Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC

    XX

    1. Deb, I totally agree with your thoughts on looking back. When you’re in it, sometimes things seems rough, but it’s often not as bad as it can feel in the moment. I hope you continue to succeed in your life, and that your worries continue lessening!
      ~Jess

  5. I don’t know if I feel relieved or more worried after reading this post. I’m still in the baby phase as my boy is 10 months old. Once in a blue moon he gives me a break and sleeps 7 hours straight, and then it’s back to getting up every 1-2 hours to feed, cuddle back to sleep while I try super hard not to lose my s***.
    I LOL’d when I read that wine and deep breaths help. That’s exactly how I feel! Actually, I’m in the midst of writing a blog post about how I am a better mom when drinking wine.

    1. That sounds like a post I would love to read! Getting up in the night was so normal for me that when my second slept through the night early on I kept waking, expecting her to need me! I still get up occasionally in the night, but now it’s only once a month or so. Thanks for the comment!
      ~Jess

  6. So true Jess. I will still be worrying over my boys when they are all grown up with lives of their own. They will no doubt be like “Oh mom, chill out” but that’s just the way it is going to be 🙂

    Thanks for being part of #MMBC. See you Monday x

    1. So true Jayne. My eldest already says “I’m fine Mom!” when I’ve asked her one too many times how she’s doing, or if she’s okay. She’s only 8 but she’s already got a few teenaged mannerisms! See you Monday
      ~Jess

  7. This is definitely great writing material… it is so true that we think that as they get older the worries will fade, but your tight… they just evolve! I also think that parents with newborn find themselves wanting their children to be older so that they can have a better nights sleep etc but I now crave the newborn years where i could carry my little dude everywhere and he didn’t push his dinner away or fight bedtime… theres always constant struggle with Motherhood and Im sure they are only just beginning! #globalblogging

    1. Thanks! It’s true we try to rush away the baby months but once they can walk and talk, the worries just change. I do miss the tiny people my girls used to be, although my 5 year old still thinks she’s small enough to sit on my lap ALL THE TIME! 😉
      ~Jess

  8. This is such a great, honest post. Real food for thought as I must admit I thought I’d worry and fret less as my little one got older. But you’re so right, it’s just a different set of stuff to worry about! Yikes. I suppose that’s the job eh? #globalblogging

    1. That is the job, isn’t it? I think there’s a lot of learning about what really needs to be worried about as well. As long as the kids are healthy and growing I’d say we’re doing our jobs. Doesn’t make it easy to turn off those worries though, does it?
      ~Jess

  9. Great post. I’m riding through all the phases right now. My kids are 8, 6, 4, 2, and one waiting to be born any day now (please, today! lol). You’re right, the worries just change as our little ones grow. My oldest was colicky, and I never thought we would live through it. But now, she’s a thriving 8 year old…but I worry about her smart mouth! Then we go all the way back down to the diapers and potty training, and worrying about when labor will finally start. Solidarity! And good luck 🙂 #FabFridayPost

  10. It’s amazing how many things there are to worry about; so many more things about being a parent than I had EVER thought! My worries don’t ever seem to go away they just change over time to grow and go along with the boys’ ages and stages.

    1. I agree – the worries are so much more than I had ever imagined! I do find it’s a little easier now that the kids can communicate, but sometimes you just can’t help but worry…
      ~Jess

  11. All 3 of mine are now at Primary school – but I now have a new set of worries with my daughter (she’s nearly 11). She has started wanting to meet her friends in town at the weekends. She’s growing up and I have had to let her go. It nrings a whole new set of worries. Sarah #FabFridayPost

  12. I can relate to this. My boy is just 6yo, and my girl will be 3yo in April. My boy went through a phrase of friendship struggled after the Summer last year as we went away early – more than half a term due the lost of my sister beating cancer. Ethan came back feeling lost also and feeling behind academically. We work rigorously with him after school ever day until the first half-term, as we didn’t want hime to fall behind. We had a parent consultation evening and it turn out that he was absolutely doing fine. With regards to his friendship. It took sometimes for everything to gel back again. Thanks so much for sharing your personal post with us. We do hope it does get easier as time goes by. xx #FabFridayPost

    1. It is so hard to let go of those mom worries, isn’t it? Glad to hear your little guy didn’t fall behind! It’s amazing how quickly kids can bounce back from routine changes as well!!
      ~Jess

  13. I worry about my eldest (a boy) in particular. I think the world is so cruel for teenage boys and he is so sensitive I’m afraid of what the future holds. My daughter is very confident so I think she will brave it out. #MMBC

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