This year I turn forty. That’s four decades lived. I’ve grown two humans inside my body, and learned many things over the years, including Everything changes, There’s never enough time, and Perfection is a myth.
I’ve been doing so many things. Parenting, working full time, blogging, writing for others, maintaining a home and a marriage, and trying to be an active, pleasant, low anxiety, healthy human being.
I’m exhausted.
Frankly, I can’t keep doing it all. I’m stretched too thin, and sometimes I feel on the verge of a complete breakdown. (I have mini breakdowns all the time – just ask my husband.)
Related: How can we battle the dreaded overwhelm?
Parenting, keeping house and home, and working full time have to stay. Being active and healthy are also necessary. And the things that I can let go of are what give me pleasure. So how do I step back from what I love to do?
I am not giving up on my writing. This blog will continue, but with less frequent posting. Writing for Kingstonist (and any other platforms that will have me) will also continue, as I let myself make the time. And I am actively seeking out new places for my words because I desperately want to write, and practice makes perfect.
Cutting back on my own dance classes is an option. But this option doesn’t quite make sense if my girls will still be at the dance studio. I would love it if they would cut back their dance classes, but that doesn’t seem likely – yet. We’ll have a real chat about that before term two begins, but I think this year will see them continuing four nights a week.
Interested in how I survive practically living at the dance school? Read all about it here: How to survive being a dance parent (at a non-comp studio)
This year will be about letting go, asking for help, and leaving perfection behind. (Though perfection was never my strong suit.)
I’ve requested my husband try to set aside one evening a week in which he can take the girls to dance class and let me stay home. It would be a night to cook a proper dinner, do housework, or even write, if I’m having a good focus day.
If I don’t have time to do these things, I’m not going to feel guilty. (Easier said than done, am I right?) We’ll eat cereal or sandwiches, let the laundry pile up a little, and say no to what we can’t fit into our already busy schedule.
Real change takes time. Learning to let go takes strength and perseverance. Not to mention many false starts.
Like any skill, practice makes perfect. And I am ready to practice stepping back, doing less, and taking on only that which feels right for my family and I.
Jess
